Veganazis in translation: a fifth column for ISIS?

The Translation Conference Organizer's Final Confession

First they asked for kosher food and separate plates, and I gave it to them, because after all, religious practice should be respected—
though I am not a Jew.

Then they asked for halal food, and I thought "why not?", the Muslims I know are mostly cool—
though Islam is not my Way.

Then they asked for vegetarian food and got it—
Because I am a vegetarian.

Then they asked for vegan fare and it was done—
Because that diet helped Clinton lose weight.

Then they asked for "raw vegan" and I said, "What?"—

Because I know raw text, raw emotions, raw deals, raw sex, but can't get my head around a raw vegan.

Then they came for me—and put me on trial for eating honey and contributing to the enslavement of bees. Please God, let them kill me now before I eat another carrot stick.